Before we begin, just take a soft breath. Let your shoulders drop an inch if they can. This space is here for you, for a few quiet moments.

Let's start with a non-negotiable truth: You do not owe anyone your story. Ever.

You're a teacher. You spend your days holding space for everyone else. You are the regulated adult in the room for your students. The thought of coming into yet another room and having to perform vulnerability — to excavate your deepest wounds on a stranger's timeline — is not just daunting; it's a violation. You feel the pressure to be the "good client," to give the therapist the dramatic story you think they're waiting for.

You have our absolute permission to say nothing. To talk about your week. To talk about your cat. To sit in silence for the entire hour. Your safety is the only goal on the agenda.

The Neurobiological Truth

This isn't about being "nice." It's about biology. Forcing a trauma narrative before your nervous system is ready is not just unhelpful; it is actively re-traumatizing. It can strengthen the neural pathways of fear and overwhelm.

And the research now maps exactly why: memory reconsolidation allows for the permanent updating or disruption of maladaptive memories — unlike extinction-based methods, which leave the original memory intact. True, lasting healing — a process grounded in Memory Reconsolidation — doesn't erase your story. It changes the emotional charge your nervous system attaches to it. But this can only happen from a state of profound safety.

Here's the key: social engagement and higher cognitive functions are biologically dependent on a state of ventral vagal safety. Your brain literally cannot do the deep work of reconsolidation if your nervous system is in a state of threat. Pushing through the story when you're not ready doesn't "rip the bandaid off" — it re-encodes the fear response. The memory gets stronger, not weaker.

Your story is not the price of admission to therapy. A safe, trusting relationship is.

What Safety Actually Feels Like

Safety isn't the absence of fear. It's the presence of something your nervous system can anchor to. Research confirms: co-regulation within a trusted relationship is a key mechanism for neutralizing threat responses and fostering the ventral vagal state needed for engagement.

Just for a moment, if it feels okay, notice the feeling of your feet on the floor. You don't have to change anything. Just let the solidness of the ground be there. Let yourself be supported. This is the feeling of safety we build from, one moment at a time.

Here's what building safety might look like in our work together:

  • Week 1-3: We learn each other. You tell me about your week, your cat, whatever feels safe. I'm not waiting for the trauma story. I'm reading your nervous system and becoming someone it can trust.
  • Week 4-8: Your nervous system starts to relax in the room. Maybe not fully, but enough. You might start to notice things — a memory surfacing, a feeling in your chest. We don't chase it. We notice it together.
  • When YOU are ready: The deep work begins from a place of safety, not pressure. And because your nervous system is in a ventral vagal state, the memory reconsolidation process can actually work — permanently updating the emotional charge, not just temporarily covering it up.

Our Approach

Our work together in trauma recovery begins by building that safety. It might take weeks. It might take months. Your timeline is the only one that matters. We don't start by diving into the past. We start by building a safe present.

Read about why your body needs to be ready first, explore the science of memory reconsolidation, or when you feel ready: Build a safe present →

Part of: Trauma Recovery → | Related: Body-First Therapy · Memory Reconsolidation